A Prayer of Lament

Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us

As I wrote about a couple of weeks ago, next Friday, October 4, marks a year since my mother took her own life. 

I’ve been thinking and praying about a million different ways to tell my story. Each time I sit down to write, I feel like the words will pour out of me in a torrent of emotion. Then I begin to type and find that, like the old adage about eating an elephant, the only true way forward is one (oftentimes small) bite at a time. 

Today’s bite is lament. 

The lovely women on Abiding Together this week talked about their Joyful and Sorrowful Mysteries of the summer, i.e. where in their life they felt most connected to the respective mysteries. In their reflection of their Sorrowful Mysteries, the topic of lament came up. Michelle Benzinger, in a moment of inspiration from the Holy Spirit, shared this apt description:

 “Lament is not wallowing. Lament is recognizing, naming, and offering to the Lord.” 

Earlier this month, I was terrified that embracing the sorrow of this terrible anniversary would be wallowing. I felt that if I avoided it, I could successfully avoid welcoming in depression, one of my least favorite house guests. But avoidance isn’t what the Lord calls us to. He wants us to heal, yes, and not to wallow, but he has shown us a better way. Adam Young in his podcast The Way We Find Ourselves puts it this way: 

“When the world as you understood it falls apart, God’s invitation to you is to lament. Lament consists of two things: allowing yourself to feel your sorrow, and then expressing that sorrow.” 

No one understood this invitation better than the Blessed Mother. How terrible must it have been to watch her only Son embrace the hate of a world he loves so dearly. How broken her heart must have felt, despite knowing what he was accomplishing through his suffering. How beautifully she embraced the call to lament. As it was said of her after she and Joseph discovered Jesus in the temple, “his mother kept all these things in her heart” (Luke 2:51). 

So, instead of being afraid of wallowing, I am accepting the Lord’s invitation to lament. 

Starting tomorrow, September 26th, I ask you to join my family and I in praying a novena to Our Lady of Sorrows. Each day, I will share a picture of my mom and remind us all to pray a Seven Sorrows Rosary. Please hold my mom in your heart as you pray with us. In addition, pray for those - perhaps yourself included - who struggle to embrace the Lord’s call for us to lament. 

Seven Sorrows Rosary Resources 

EWTN’s explainer for the Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows, September 15th. This guide includes the blessings St. Alphonsus Liguori wrote that Our Lord would grant to those who meditated on these sorrows.

If you, like me, tend to lose track of where you are in the midst of repetitive prayer, Hallow has you covered with a recording, as well as a shorter written version.

Though this tradition was originally given to St. Bridget of Sweden in the Middle Ages, it was reintroduced by the apparition of Our Lady of Kibeho to Marie-Claire Mukangango in the 1980s. Immaculee Ilibagiza has a beautiful description of the full meditations and prayers on her website.